BMW 5 Series Gran Tursimo concept

OMG so where to begin with this? It takes all the fun out of it when they make it this easy. First of all, insulting Maserati’s Gran Turismo car with the name of this steam pile is inexcusable. Maserati should sue, and I hope they do.

Secondly, what is up with that styling? Come to think of it, EVERYONE should sue BMW because looking at this design just makes one actually want to bore their eyes out in the least efficient manner possible.

Now come on BMW. Please tell us all that this retarded design is an early April Fools joke. Or someone replaced the coffee sugar for the design team with crack just to "see what happens". I mean, this is a design that my two year old would draw and hold up proudly. Actually scratch that - that's an insult to my daughter. Sorry sweetie.

What is sadder is BMW felt the need to issue what seemed like a 32 page press release trying to tell everyone how cool and cutting edge this turd is. See, they don't even really believe it. If you need that much information in a press release for a new design, maybe that's a clue that the design isn't telling people anything positive. I didn’t bother to include it with this article because if you’re reading this site, you don’t want to read that drivel anyway.

Seriously BMW. You stopped development on a CSL M3 to make trash like this??? If this is what the future of BMW design looks like now that Bangle is gone, then the world can do without this car company. We need to eliminate a few anyway.


Boz said...

Simply reading the name of this car prompted me to pull out my brochures for the Maserati Granturismo, Granturismo S, and the Ferrari 550 in order to remind myself what a grand tourer looks like. Then I attempted to see the similarities. My attempts stopped and my sanity was saved when I read the table of contents of the Maserati Granturismo brochure. Part 1 of the brochure is entitled: "Authenticity: Only Those Who Invented it Can Redefine It."

Now correct me if I'm wrong, but the true definition of a Grand Tourer has been a sporty, yet classy and comfortable two-door that you could use for daily driving and long journeys (again, qualities gleaned from the aforementioned brochures). I've equated this defintion with automobiles the likes of the Jag XK, Aston Martin, the V12 Ferraris, the 8-series (of bygone times), the Masers, Bentley - I've even heard the term loosely applied to the Mclaren SLR. I know the term has been bastardized and spammed on all sorts of American machines to denote some special, high-powered version of what is essentially a two- or four-door mass-produced clunky chassis. But I've accepted this because American companies stopped short of slapping a factory GT badge on, say, a minivan or SUV. But to my disbelief, the GT name has been slapped on the European version of the Pontiac Aztec, and by all people... BMW!

I don't want to preach to the choir and recite the hundreds of reasons why this car is socially, morally, and economically wrong. But I will say this: BMW has no right to redefine "GranTurismo."

Chris said...

Well we're way past April Fools now and it looks like this thing is not a joke. I mean, it IS a joke, but its spawning is not. Ok, well, it IS a joke but.....

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